TaskHusky Curated Newsletter #026

You Need Serious Help, Writing Emails Sober is Over-Rated, Magento Loses Its and more.

June 25, 2019

Wuz'up -

Holy Mackerel! First of all, thanks to all you folks. This is shaping up to be a super-busy month for TaskHusky. We brought on a bunch of new partners and we are helping TONS of Shopify folks install apps, configure DNS (shout out to Privy!), set things up (shout out to Pelican Commerce), and a bunch of other stuff. And we are on our way once again to the big commerce event – IRCE – in Chicago to meet and greet and kiss babies.

I know it’s only Tuesday (real world time) but I am writing this on Monday evening and it still feels like Friday. I need a beer. And some chicken nuggets. And probably a nap.

Would you hate me if I wrote this while drinking a beer? Well … maybe I am and maybe I AM!

Here are this week’s top stories.

1. Seriously … You Need Help

One of the best parts about being the CEO of TaskHusky is that I get to give stuff away every once in a while. Here’s the deal …. Sooooooo many of you are struggling with images and page speed it’s crazy!

During the eCommerce CoffeeTalk calls last week, Jeff the “crazy genius” spent a LOT of time showing folks how to make images easy. Real, practical, fast, down-to-earth, hands-in-the-dirt, how-to stuff to make the eCommerce images thing easy-peasy mac-and-cheesy. The customers loved the heck out of it. So, we’re doing it again for the first 100 folks who register … at no charge.

CoffeeTalk LIVE is this Thursday. I’ve told Jeff to spill his guts. I told him to pack as much value into an hour as he possibly can to show you EVERYTHING he knows about prepping images for eCommerce. No charge to you. Just register and show up online.

In all fairness, it’s not costing me much ‘cuz Jeff works for coffee and donuts. But he’s picky and demands that expensive Café Verona crap from Starbucks so this thing will set me back at least five bucks. But he knows what he’s talking about. I’m drinking beer as a write this so take a look right now before I sober up and change my mind.

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2. Speaking of Sobering Up

You know that we LOVES us some stats, right? Well given my current state of overworked inebriation (I’ve got a buzz going), this real empirical stat is just what the doctor ordered.

Q: What do Kentucky and Connecticut have in common?

A: The average eCommerce shopper in those states have spent more than $700 while drunk.

Seriously … drunk eCommerce is a thing. I’m not entirely sure how you get wasted frat boys and marketing reps into your sales funnel (which is the makings of a joke all by itself), and I’m not sure that I want to know. But you can’t argue with good drunk data.

Want to see where your state comes in with drunk online retail shopping?

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3. Do Drunk Folks Work at Shopify? Who Knows!

Remember how we told you about Shopify coming out with their “State of Commerce Report” a few weeks back? Well, we promised to read the entire report and share more data tidbits. Well, we keep our promises, no matter how painful that becomes.

Holy crap … this so-called “State of Commerce” report is filled with so much BS we can’t stand it. Shopify is a great platform, but this report is to authoritative and actionable data as Justin Bieber is to Rock & Roll … take that as you will. It’s like you put every marketing cliché taught in MBA school, put it in a blender with a giant helping if insecurity, and then spun it on high with the lid off. My momma always told me, “If you can’t say something nice, then don’t say anything at all.” So, OK … um … the colors are nice.

I have a guy with advanced data education on staff. He read the report ‘cuz I told him to. He filed with the employment department for hazard pay.

But in fairness, there are a few rare bits here and there that might deliver some value more than marketing spin. Some of the data differences between countries, for example.

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4. Speaking of Shopify – Magento Loses in Mojo

Do you remember Magento Commerce? Probably not. Long story short, they were the up-and-comers in eCommerce forever ago … like five years ago with is forever in tech these days. Any-who … folks loved them because they were friendly and free and easy and lots of other stuff that normal people like. But they let their success go to their head and got all corporate-y and “we want enterprise-y” and “we have bloated software only a code-head could love-ish” so things slowed down. Then – in a moment of fiscal insanity – Adobe acquire the company last year. Well … Magento just stopped supporting version 1.x this month, which is one of the friendlier, free versions. We get it. Business-is-business. But we can’t help but shout “the king is dead, long live the king!” (and by the king we mean Shopify … for now)

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5. We feel so … used. And if you’re honest, you do too.

So, here’s the deal. I’ve done it, and you’ve probably done it too. You’re in a bricks-and-mortar store and see something you like. So, you pull out your phone and see what it’s going for online to see if it’s a good deal. You’re right there, right now, so if the deal is decent you buy it right “now” where you are. Turns out this is exactly what 71% of users do.

We’ll let you read the article in a second, but this is why competitive analysis, brand, and product differentiation are so important for eCommerce companies.

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Wow … I’m not sure if this is a good thing or not, but this is our longest weekly email yet. I went to reread it to see if I could trim a few words, but I started laughing so hard I forgot what I was supposed to be doing. Maybe it’s the beer talking, but this email is AWESOME!

Know what else would be awesome? If you stopped being so selfish and shared my awesomeness with other people every once in a while. Come on … you know you want to.

Happy Selling,

Zachary