TaskHusky Curated Newsletter #024

Something’s Seriously Wrong With Jeff Bezos, Looker at what’s on the Tableau, Shopify and MailChimp Fight Live on Camera, and more.

June 11, 2019

Yo - 

Hey there kids! It’s Tuesday, and you know what that means, right?  It’s time for another fun-filled romp through the eCommerce and marketing news cycle! So, let’s kick things off with a story that only a reptilian hedge-fund manager could love, shall we?

Here are this week’s top stories:

1.  Holy Crap Jeff Bezos! What Is Wrong With You? (Seriously Dude)

That Greedy-Billionaire-Philanderer-In-Chief (Jeff Bozo-s) just keeps on giving us stuff to write about. It seems that – in between extra-marital trysts and kicking orphans – the CEO of Amazon staggered into the boardroom and said, “I’ve figured out a way to fleece the poor and down-trodden a bit more … and it’s pure genius!” Or something like that … that’s not a direct quote because it’s not like I’ve planted a listening device in their offices or anything … that would be illegal and wrong(ish).

I’m actually reading between the lines when Amazon announces a new program to issue “secured” credit cards “aimed at those who are looking to build their credit history.” All you have to do is wire cash into the Amazon coffers, which you can then use to make payments. And yes, there’s a snap-back interest rate trap on the back side of the deal – which is retroactive and carries a rate of more than 28%. But the best part is how they are spinning it all to sound like philanthropy.

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2.  Looker at what’s on the Tableau

File this story under – “Crap! There’s something going on here and I haven’t figured it out yet!” 

It goes like this … since our email just one week ago, Google acquired a data analytics company called Looker for $2.6 billion AND Salesforce acquired Tableau for a whopping $15.7 billion, also in the – you guessed it – data analytics business. I’m sure that there’s nothing to worry about here. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with two of the largest tech platforms acquiring a Freak’in Death Star set of capabilities to parse the data they … ahem, “collected” from all of us on the web. You go ahead and read these two stories while I delete my browsing history and burn a few hard drives.

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3.  Talk About “Keeping Up With the Jones’!” – Is MailChimp the Netflix of Email?

Holy Frijole … technology and eCommerce news stories come and go so freak’in fast! WAY back in February we told about Shopify Studios. Remember? It was that thing where Shopify was making a bunch of videos – not your average social media posty stuff. They were trying to make highly-produced mini-movies. Anyway … they’ve been posting a bunch of short videos every week since then. There’s a podcast too… mostly merchant profiles and such. Well, Shopify and MailChimp had their famous … ahem, “de-partnering” break-up a few months back and now MailChimp has arrived with their “MailChimp Presents” – which is sort of doing the same thing, but with a bunch of humorous and entertainment content too. What’s the deal with all these guys thinking they’re Steven Spielberg all of a sudden? 

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4.  Did You Know That the Biggest Month to Launch an Online Store Is January?

Speaking of Shopify, they just released their first-ever “State of eCommerce Report.” It’s 23 pages of stats and observations – some of which are meaningless trivia. But there are a few nuggets of interest in there. One of those is that a BUNCH of merchants open new shops in January. The thinking is that people make New Year’s resolutions or want a fresh start … that kind of thing. I’ll send you all other interesting nuggets of information after I finish reading the whole things while eating nuggets of the chicken variety.

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5.  OK … one more quick bonus stat …. no, make that two stats

I’m a sucker for data and stats, so here are a few more. People in Europe make online buying decisions faster than in the Americas or Asia. Germans are the fastest of the lot, deciding and buying in less than 18 minutes. And online buyers in Japan spend the most per transaction on average – almost $142 – nearly double those brisk-buying Germans (interesting, right?). And by the way, chicken nuggets are delicious!

Hey … one more thing before I sign off for this week … Seriously Jeff Bezos, what the heck is wrong with you?

Thanks … I feel better. Know what can make you feel better too? Sharing valuable email content with nice people, that's what. So, go ahead. Share this email now. You know you want to.

Happy Selling,

Zachary